Aristocracy V. Thug Life
Now I will admit, I LOVE t.v. series or films that feature swords, battle axes, shields, maces, spears, bow and arrows, and daggers. I am fascinated by it. Even the old Peplum Roman Gladiator/Hercules stuff is amusing. There is a reason for this.
Who doesn’t like to look at perfect specimens of maleness, slaying foes and demons; bodies glistening with sweat; faces wearing a ferocious feral expression? Seriously! ok. Now that I’ve set the scene…..
This is how Kings were made and dynasties were built. Through conquest, theft, rapine, pillage, terror, torture, beheading. Disobedience, stealing a loaf of bread or killing one of the King’s beasts in the forest; or even being seen or heard to question the King would get you:
The Rack
The Rat Cage
Boiled in Oil
Hanged until you are Dead
Hanged until you are ALMOST Dead - Cut Down - Disemboweled - Beheaded - THEN Drawn and Quartered
The Knee Crusher
Removal of Fingernails
Removal of Tongue
One or Both Eyes Put Out
One or Both Hands Chopped Off
To name just a FEW of the inventive and creative ways man has come up with, to maintain the power of the King.
With enough plunder, a King can fortify his fortresses; acquire more land, and buy loyalty from some, by rewarding them with titles and land. He also has access to a bigger army, more horses, more weapons. More Catapults and Trebuchets. Golly!
When a dynasty is upset and no ‘heir apparent’, another King comes along, deposes the previous dynasty, and incorporates those lands into his own kingdom. This is how there came to be a ‘King of All Norway’. This is how for SUCH an hilariously long time, the English King claimed suzerainty over France, and the King of France claimed suzerainty over England.
Now, while all this conquering, reconquering, raping, pillaging and torture is going on; these people of Royal or Noble Blood, of course spent a great deal of their fortunes on castles and rich and sumptuous fabrics and furs. Those castles WERE drafty. Riding about the realm on the best horses with the best tack. Gambling, especially at cards was a favourite pastime. If there was no battle to fight, then there was game to kill in the King’s forest, which the common people were forbidden to use or could traverse, only WITH a duly issued PASS.
Of course, they sponsored the arts. Court musicians, painters, masters of dance, theater troupes, sculptors, etc.
All the trappings of wealth and power. A show of strength to any and all comers. A facade to subdue and humble foreign ambassadors. To select a suitably wealthy bride. To participate in Byzantine plots by which many noblemen rose to power; as opposed to meritorious and trustworthy service to the Crown or supreme valor on the field of battle. A courtier could openly accept bribes for favours, and the King didn’t care as long as he could take a percentage of the bribe. Kings could kill without compunction. A servant for making a mistake. A courtier for displeasing him. A cook for causing an upset stomach. A wife, for being barren, or having only girl children; or for adultery - real or imagined; an entire town for the transgressions of a few. For practicing the wrong religion.
Strangely, the water situation must have been dicey. Aristocrats began and ended their days drinking Ale, Beer or Wine. The ‘Ladies’ sometimes mixed theirs with water. So, imagine. You have the power of life and death over your subjects. You are incredibly wealthy and live in a strongly fortified castle boasting; Flemish Tapestries/Rugs, Velvet or Damask covered seats, lounges, finely carved tables, statues and carvings; and oil paintings of your Royal ancestors and their exploits or just portraits, adorn the walls of your halls; a large personal guard, grooms, etc., AND you’re generally TOSSED by 11AM.
Now for something Completely Different - Or is it?
This is how KingPINS are made.
Theft, murder, drug sales, gambling, hijacking shipments of goods and reselling them, loansharking; you know the drill.
Very often… TOO often, the soldier or courtier of a drug dealing gang is guilty of dipping into the stock! Yes, in the morning, and all through the day, or having breakfast with th crew at the Strip Club with Scotch and Sodas?
Waging war with the Kingpin in the next neighbourhood and taking over his territory.
Keeping their soldiers and courtiers in check by explosive and random acts of violence. The hitman who screwed up; the soldier who talked to the cops; the courtier who dared to show the slightest disrespect or question the Kingpin in ANY WAY. Let’s not forget, the wife, for adultery or seemingly flirting; AND the girlfriends, for the same reasons.
ALL could be snuffed out at a whim.
The home of a Kingpin is usually quite lush. Nothing like a fortified stone castle, but… big enough. With guards, dogs and guns.
The only real difference I see here is a matter of scale. Granted, European aristocracy is an older institution. In fact, it’s so old that it sort of enforces the idea that because someone's family has been in let’s say England, since 1066. Well… okay. That works a few ways.
The ‘I’m a Direct descendant of William the Conqueror’ statement.
My ancestor served at Court of Richard III (probably holding the King’s chamber pot for him).
My ancestor was a peasant. (No one would EVER admit that)!
The gangster?
My family is from Sicily!
I’m a Made Man! You can’t touch me.
Bumpy Johnson was the King of Harlem, and I’m his grandson!
Okay, not quite the same cache´; claiming lineage from a ‘dynasty’ that is less than 100 years old, but you get my drift.
Beyond the ‘lineage’ and the much smaller scale of castles and territorial holdings, what is the difference between the two, theoretically and methodologically?
Some tidbits:
1509 - 1547 - Henry VIII - During his 36 years on England’s throne, he executed around 57,000 people! 1
1825 - Charles X - Haiti - Was forced to pay France, $21 BILLION. This is assumed to be reparations for the future loss of income, after Haiti won its independence, but also as surety for Haiti, that France would not use its military against the island. That debt took 122 years to pay. 2
1865 - King Leopold - Congo - committed a genocide that killed approximately 15 MILLION people.3
1868 - Queen Victoria - Ethiopia - During a raid by the British, on the palace of King Tewodros II, ransacking it of everything valuable, they STOLE the King’s son Prince Alemayehu at the age of 7. He was ‘presented’ to the Queen, as a gift of conquest. A pet. He lived for 11 more years. He is buried at Windsor Castle. The Ethiopians would like to bury their Prince at home. Thus far, the bones have not been forthcoming. 4
I don’t think Al Capone or Bumpy Johnson killed that many people…
We like these guys though. We love cinema about royalty, despotic Kings and Emperors, adulterous Queens and bad boy nobles. We love Tony Soprano and his crew and anything with Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesce or Al Pacino in gangster mode. Virtue is boring. Why? Maybe because Western society was created and shaped, by drunken criminals?
What do you think?
PS - I’m loving writing this newsletter/column. Please subscribe so we can continue to examine our collective history and culture. I’d love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading!
Peace,
G
https://www.history.co.uk/article/the-killer-king-how-many-people-did-henry-viii-execute
https://www.forbes.com/sites/realspin/2017/12/06/in-1825-haiti-gained-independence-from-france-for-21-billion-its-time-for-france-to-pay-it-back/?sh=5d5e9276312b
https://www.gazetadopovo.com.br/wiseup-news/how-belgium-cut-off-hands-and-arms-and-killed-over-15-million-in-africa/
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/apr/15/ethiopians-urge-britain-return-bones-of-stolen-prince-and-loot